God The Father

A million things were racing through my mind but the first thing I told him was "I now know I could kill someone".

On a day in July of 2012 I learned more about myself than any other single day in my existence.

I hadn't slept in three days and because of my health issues, I wasn't just tired, I was vibrating from anxiety. I was experiencing things as though my soul was witnessing the last act of a play. The music was swelling, the actors had left it all on the stage and I absorbed every last bit of it. I was both an audience member and a main character.

My wife at the time had done the most amazing thing I had ever witnessed and as she lay beside me in a dimly lit hospital room, I sat in a chair, holding my newborn baby girl, Talya.

My life was no longer mine. [It never was, but that realization hadn't fully played itself out yet.] I belonged to this tiny little being.

Wrapped tightly in her little pink blanket and fast asleep in my shaking arms, she had no idea the power her presence had. She had no idea the softening she would cause in my heart and she didn't need to know because I swore in that moment that I would live it and be that example in her life from that moment on.

While I sat there, still in awe and still exhausted beyond comprehension, I called my best friend. A million things were racing through my mind but the first thing I told him was "I now know I could kill someone". A somewhat dark comment for such a beautiful moment, I admit, but we both laughed and he understood what I meant.

I meant that I could make the ultimate sacrifice for this little girl. I could easily die for her. I would live the rest of my life in service to her body, mind and soul.

A few years later we were awakened to her little voice calling us from the hallway. Her legs were completely paralyzed. We immediately got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. While waiting to find out what had caused an otherwise healthy little girl to wake up paralyzed, I remember praying the same thing over and over. 'Lord please, just take it from her and put it on me'. I repeated it over and over until I stopped noticing I was still doing it. I've faced death more than once and all of those moments put together didn't cause the amount of distress that it caused to see my little girl in that condition.

It turned out to be something very simple and she was fine within a couple days, thank God!

A few years later I was scrolling through my phone and a pastor was speaking about why God continually refers to himself as 'Father'. I was barely paying attention until he said something that brought me back to these moments with my daughter.

He said, "Even if you were the only person to ever exist, Christ would still die on a cross to save your soul".

For the first time in my life I fully made the connection that was so obvious that it never fully occurred to me before. God is my father. He happily gave his Son to lay down his life for me! He didn't need everyone else to make it worth it to Him. I mean enough to Him to bare the pain that is rightfully mine!

While Jesus was living a life far better than I will ever live, he saw each of us and said, you are my child, I love you and want you with me, so...

I'll take it from you and put it on me.