Blog #6 : Depression & Music - Lose Yourself In The Music

You aren't completely lost and your audience is still right there with you and for you.

There are two different kinds of music makers, when walking out onto a stage. There are those who let nerves and adrenaline keep them locked firmly on the goal at hand. Focused on making sure each note is played, or sung in exactly the manor it was written. A true craftsman intent on sharing the fruits of his labor with sniper-like precision.

And then there are those who lose themselves. For these musicians, music is an escape, it's a place to be only a music maker. It's therapy. For this type of creator, it is difficult to learn how to connect with their audience because after all, it's not for them, it's for oneself. It requires experience and wisdom to be both "lost in music" and still be in the moment at the same time.

The same is true of depression. You can exist in a depressed state and still execute your life's ambitions with precision and success for a long time. The issues usually start when you realize your successes no longer bring you joy. It's no wonder then, why you can so easily question why you would even bother seeking success.

Left unchecked, your depression can then thrust you into a state of being 'lost in it'. You can forget what you love and why. You can forget why you need to do the things you should be doing. And you can completely forget yourself.

If you lose yourself, you lose the people around you, your 'social audience' if you will. If you're lucky, you don't lose them physically but you lose the connections that put them there in the first place and once you and everyone you love is gone, you don't exist anymore.

The people who once loved you don't love you anymore, they love the memory of who you used to be. And you don't consider yourself an individual, you consider yourself a feeling. A vile, wretched feeling that you want to destroy. That's why depression makes it so easy to convince yourself to commit suicide. You don't want yourself to die! Hell, you don't even remember that person! You want the feeling to die and since you are nothing but that feeling, it's easy to see suicide as a viable option.

While it is very difficult for some (including myself) to ever escape the endless dark stage of depression, there is good news! With wisdom and experience, you can exist in your depression and still grasp hold of little things here and there that remind you of your true self. You can remember the joy you felt when you connected with your life's audience and felt truly connected, even if it's just for a moment! And most importantly, you can accept that their love for you isn't based on some past version of you. They see the real you underneath it all and never stopped loving that person because that person is still in there! That's an incredibly difficult thing to accept but once you do, you can have absolutely horrible days of the worst depression, and still see that it isn't you!

You aren't completely lost and your audience is still right there with you and for you.

So go on and row your boat but may you never find the shore

That my dead eyes may gaze on your boats body and broken oars

Your silhouette in stars and a song of Irish lore

With water in my lungs and my knees on the ocean floor