Blog #47 - Internal Negativity

It is easy to get distracted and become negative, especially when you are very ill but your wellness already dwells inside of you and your soul is strong.

When my health began to fail, I began speaking more and more negatively. I began to talk about how I will likely die before the age of 30. I spoke from a place of misery and hopelessness. My parents used to tell me to stop putting that negativity out into the world, that Satan will use it as a foothold in your life to keep you down. I thought they were crazy, of course, and I told them I don't believe that but as they often are, they were right.

Proverbs 18:21 says

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Our words are much more powerful than we think. We've all been in a discussion or an argument where someone said something unexpected and it completely changed every person within earshot. Even brainwashing is often as simple as repeating words, so what are we doing to ourselves when we speak negativity over our own lives?

There is plenty of science to back up the damage that this habit can create. Speaking negatively about yourself or your situation affects the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex, (the part of the brain that processes emotions) and will change your mood and behavior for the worse. It also negatively affects those around you if they are also hearing your negative speaking.

Your words can also damage your spirit. It seems obvious that convincing yourself that life is too hard and you're too weak, stupid or sinful to deserve any better is counter productive but many still do it, some more than others. It also flies in the face of Christ's teachings. Jesus said do not fear, trust in me, and the victory is ours.

I began writing this a long time ago and didn't want to finish it until now. I felt like a hypocrite the more I wrote.

The truth is, I am guilty of this more than anyone I know. When my health faulters and I have bad days, weeks or months, I am desperate. I am trying to teach myself to lean on God instead of spiraling into negativity but I fail most of the time. It's a real weight, not only in my life but in my family and friend's lives too. They are endlessly understanding and patient with me but I certainly feel guilty for my place in their world.

Lately I have been doing something new when things are going badly. One thing about experiencing deep darkness in your life is that when you do experience peace, it is a peace that is overwhelmingly satisfying. So, when I'm in darkness, even when soaked in cold sweat and seething from pain, I thank God. I thank Him for the extreme peace that only this pain can produce. I thank Him for the peace I've felt in the past and the peace I'll feel when this darkness leaves. I don't always avoid the negativity but when I remember to do this, life gets better.

If you are a Christian, you are a vessel. You have the spirit of the one true God living inside of you at all times. It is easy to get distracted and become negative, especially when you are very ill but your wellness already dwells inside of you and your soul is strong.

You may not be able to see past the darkness ahead but your peace is greater than any you've ever known and He's coming soon!